For a dear friend’s 40th birthday party, I took the day and night off from my career and my part-time job. He thanked me for taking off for his birthday, which I appreciated a lot. I was going for improving the connection that we have already made. I took the entire day off to accommodate him to spend time with him and his wife, which made me so overjoyed. It was a day I would never forget and looked forward to.
By the end of the night, he washed all the dishes from his own birthday party, and I really did not know that he was washing dishes over the span of two hours. In the meantime, I shared stories with his wife’s cousin, who is coincidentally my cousin as well. This does not surprise me at all. As we chatted, I brought up some negative experiences that I had with alcohol, the law, and violence in my past. In the mean time, my honey joined in the conversation. As we spoke about our indiscretions and horrible pasts, my honey came into the mix and gave a strong statement,
Do you want to live as an alcoholic again? If you keep talking about it then it will hold you back.
Then, he shared that if you are going to share a story about yourself, then you really should make it a good one.
This reminds me of what my mother used to say,
If you have nothing good to say, then do not say anything at all.
Until today, I have not really heeded her warning, and I continue to learn that I must speak only good of others. What you speak of will surely become your reality.
I also met a woman at my part-time job that preaches the words of positivity. She says, that we should make sure to make up a good story with more or less positive outcomes rather than bad stories that leaves us in defeat.
Anyhow, as I spoke with my distant cousin. He talked about his experience in jail. He talked about how terrible it is even after jail in the outside world, being a victim to a mistaken identity hit. He shared that the person who false cracked him passed away because he overdosed on drugs, but shared that the real story is that he died because a bunch of people murdered him.
Averianna did not stand for this type of talk. I added my negative two cents by describing a terrible thing that happened to me in the past and how three people mysteriously died. There is more to life than a horrible past. There is positive contributions that we can offer the world. Averi reminded my cousin and I of the real struggle as we thread into the future inventing ourselves as time goes on.
I shared with Averi that I noticed that the more successful I become, the fewer people actually contact me. They only want to live in their dramas and revel in their excuses of defeat and unhappiness. Seemingly people who do not care for you will constantly want to see you fail. If you are more successful than them, they do not embrace that, but rather are afraid to approach you because they are intimidated by the new you. As he explained that my cousin and I should not dwell in the past, my cousin said that Averi was speaking of the same information that he is learning in his class, short for group therapy.
At first, I was irritated by the comment, but after a while of thinking about exactly what Averi was trying to say, I understood.
The moral of this post is just that,
You should speak of positive outcomes for yourself. You should remember but not verbalize the ignorance of your past.
You have a problem with you past or an obstacles and you feel sorry yourself. Can you change it?
My honey makes an awesome point. In other words, why bother with something in your past that you cannot change? My goal from that conversation moving forward, is to find solutions and share those rather than talk about something that we cannot change.